Bow to me minion, I, your madam (or sir), pay you $350 a month!

Originally, I had wanted to volunteer this piece to the paper's Voices page. But I decided against it, cos well, I did not want to embarrass myself.

Anyway, I wrote this last week after witnessing several ugly incidents between a relative (shan't name names) and her domestic helper.

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With the arrival of my baby two years ago, a good number of relatives, including my mother, was appalled when I told them I had no intention of getting any domestic help.
Coming from a privileged family who relied on live-in foreign domestic helpers to wash the laundry, prepare meals and pick up after us, their reactions were understandable.

“How can you cope? You’ve never lifted a finger to do any housework?” several aunts and my mother had repeatedly asked me.

Well, to be honest; they were right. Juggling the nitty-gritty’s of domestic chores, a wailing baby and work has not been easy for me. But what they did not know is that I find juggling the “madam-maid” role a lot tougher.

At 26 then, I wasn’t sure if I was up to it. I was also put off by the idea of being responsible for someone else’s livelihood, after witnessing so many negative employer examples.

Many people I know claim that they treat their maids well, but do they really?
A few believe they’re benevolent employers because they give their maids days off. “She (the maid) doesn’t know how lucky she is to be working for me,” one person whom I know very well told me.

Of course, compared to the Madam-from-hell who ill-treats her maid, an employer who gives his domestic helper a monthly day off seems like an angel.

But what prompted the self-righteous proclamation?
About 170,000 domestic workers in Singapore do not get a regular day-off, according the Day Off Campaign website, aimed at getting local employers to give their live-in maids regular personal time off.

Over the years, we’ve had several of such – something which I find ridiculous in a country which calls itself “gracious” and has a literacy rate of 96 per cent, according to 2008 figures from Singapore Department of Statistics’ website.

Why do we need campaigns or anyone to tell us that?
Isn’t a day off a basic labour right?
And isn’t it commonsense that everyone – especially those whose work involve physical labour or chores – need regular time off to recharge?

Many Singaporeans I know cite unwanted pregnancies or mixing around with bad company as some of their top reasons for their reluctance to let their maids have off-days. Over here, employers stand to lose their $5,000 security bond if their domestic helpers become pregnant or run away.

Granted that no one can guarantee that your maid won’t give you any problems (you can’t even ensure that with your own kids), but this should not affect the fair manner in which you should treat her.

Like all of us, a domestic helper – no matter how much less educated or privileged she is compared to you – should be entitled to regular rest days.

And how she chooses to spend her rest day – be it going out with friends or simply bumming at home– is also her entitlement as a human being. And no, I don’t think you’re a particularly model employer just because you give your worker something which is a basic entitlement for a human being.

Bow to me minion, I, your master, pay you $350 a month!
I want to talk about two incidents that I’ve witnessed. While they do not physically constitute maid abuse, I find them emotionally disturbing in this day and age.

One unfortunate incident occurred with an older relative. After my great grandmother passed on, her bed was left vacant. Eventually, it was taken over by my mother’s former maid.
Several older relatives learnt about it, and remarked that the maid should be sleeping on a mattress on the floor and leave the bed vacant. I asked one of them why.

Her answer: maids should not be pampered and so she should not sleep on a bed. C’mon, even my mother’s pet cats sleep on beds.

The other incident occurred in a supermarket. It’s been years and I have not been able to erase the image from my mind.

A middle-aged woman, who was grocery shopping with her daughters and maid, was riling and swearing at her maid – presumably an inexperienced one – for pushing the supermarket trolley too slowly. '

But when the maid hastened her pace, she was yelled at for walking in front of her Madam.
When I caught the woman’s eye and frowned at her, she turned around and yelled at her maid for being lazy and stupid, as if to show who’s Boss.

I was disgusted.

While I do not believe in mollycoddling domestic helpers or suffer substandard work from them just because they come from less privileged backgrounds – that itself is also a form of discrimination - I do not think it is necessary to yell derogatively at your maid to get things done. Or to have them sleep on the floor, so you can assert your authority as the boss.

This is especially so if you do not do this to other people (or even your pets).

If you don’t yell haughty instructions at your kids or colleagues, why would you do so at the maid? Unless, of course, long after those eras of slavery, you’re still unable to shake off the master-slave mentality.

And while you're still living in the middle-ages, please don't tell me what a fabulous "madam" you are. I won't be convinced.